 |
| Eryngium 'Jade Frost', Hydrangea macrophylla 'PIIHM-I' (Twist-n-Shout), Lilium 'Cobra', Arrhenatherum elatius 'Varigatum', Phlox paniculata, Cornus kousa, Dianthus 'Cranberry Ice' and Lavandula 'Hidcote' in one of the driveway beds in July 2011. |
I seriously doubt that her husband is concerned about her growing addiction. Bicycle Man knew of my gardening addiction before we started dating. When we married, he moved into my house which already boasted a good-sized shade garden in the back. He even helped me to increase other beds in the back before he objected to further garden expansions in the front in '08.
 |
| 'Carefree Beauty' rose presides over The Neutral Zone on which I am trying to encroach in the background. The two beds bordering the driveway (installed in '08) have been a bone of contention. |
I don't believe money is the heart of the issue either. Like Rose, I don't spend much on clothes or jewelry or on golf anymore. Many of the plants that are going into the new beds are divisions from existing plants. In any event, I would have bought certain plants anyway and tried to stuff them in somewhere in the garden because I simply had to have them.
 |
| One of last year's must-haves: Knautia 'Thunder and Lightning' in one of the driveway beds. |
While I may be wrong, I believe the answer comes down to one simple thing: lawn. There are many men who love their lawn. I'm not talking about the devoted nuts, the "Lawn Rangers," like the neighbor behind us growing up, who mowed his lawn every afternoon. No, I'm talking about men who enjoy the open, uncluttered (in their minds) expanse where a man can walk (or mow) freely, without watching his step, where he can feel like a part of the neighborhood, with its expected swathe of manicured green. It's a vision deeply embedded in the American male psyche -- house, with a few trees and shrubs, driveway and lawn. Think about the pictures children draw of a house. It invariably is square, with four windows, a door in the middle and a chimney on top. And in front of the house there is green, a lawn. Oddly, this is a near universal phenomenon; children around the world draw the exact same picture. Is it any wonder that a man who is not a gardener will resist a threatened encroachment on that domain?
Forget logic, forget trying to argue that a lawn is a waste of fuel, a source of air and water pollution, a sterile monoculture. While the husband's brain may accept and even agree with these points, in his heart, in the place where the boy still lives, he will balk. So we must accept this need for lawn and make compromises as we have learned to do in other areas of married life.
Making the mowing easier by installing a flat mowing strip can help, agreeing to limit the size and location of beds is another option.
 |
| Status quo: the 2 driveway beds; across the driveway one small bed (at far left), a bed under the trees, and foundation beds. |
Designing our gardens to include a continuous open area of lawn, bounded by beds is probably the best solution to the conflicting needs and desires of spouses, with generous use of containers filled to the brim and overflowing with all the plants we need to grow.
 |
| View of the back lawn and border, end of May 2011. |
Rose, I hope that helps answer your query. It is the solution on which my husband and I have achieved detente in the Lawn Wars.
*I hope Hortense Hoelove doesn't mind.
*I hope Hortense Hoelove doesn't mind.
23 comments:
Rose and your posts have made me smile. I think anyone sharing a garden has this discussion. When I met my DB he knew I was a gardener. I lived on an acre that was mostly garden, plus barn garage etc. I have had to reign in a lot here. My solution to this mower man mentality is that I take the rider and mow around an area so that I know the contour will be acceptable. As long as he doesn't have to back up AND there is lawn to mow he is happy, therefore I am happy. He can really sink his mowing chops into the side lot owned by the city which he mows a great deal of, why? because it is there. It "needs" to be mowed.
You can never have too many shoes or plants. The difference being, you can enjoy the plants all at once as opposed to only wearing one pair of shoes at a time.
What a fabulous garden you have, MMD! Of course it needs to be a little more garden a little less lawn. I have found the little at a time method to work best. They, the husbands, seldom know exactly where that grass boundary was, anyway.
Thank you, MMD, for such an enlightening answer--of course, I hadn't even thought about this basic male instinct! As much as my husband complains about having to spend hours mowing every weekend from April through October, I know that secretly he likes it. Since he gave up farming, it's his once chance to get on that big machine and drive up and down in rows for 4 to 6 hours at a time.
Actually, most of the time I use Frances' method--expanding each flower bed a few feet at a time--Mr. Procrastinator never seems to notice, either:)
Love that last photo of your garden--it looks like a magical woodland paradise!
I've tended to see lawns as boring and pointless but, recently, I've begun to see something special about them. I wouldn't make a fuss of a lawn but they can give a sense of space - a sort of breathe deep feeling.
I think you're correct Barbara, although, I also believe that "Madison Avenue" has had an enormously powerful roll in selling the American public, especially the male, on the need for a lawn. It's tied up in images of success, prosperity and making sure the neighbors approve. gail
A great explanation Barb! Makes so much sense...but I think a bit more bed and bit less grass in the front would still work :)
Of course my husband was happy when the grass went away so i can't really say.
A lawn can be a necessity for the play of dogs and children and it does create a nice foreground and defines a garden bed. I do love a lawn, the smell of the freshly cut grass and the barefoot pleasure of walking on it but my lawn is a 'Freedom Lawn' where plants including grass co-exist with no pesticides or herbicides allowed. Who cares if there are flowers in the lawn? That is a bonus!
I'm with Frances, Barbara. Nibble away, a few inches at a time (preferably when he's out). He won't notice! And if he does, say you were just doing some edging. Btw, your garden looks GORGEOUS!
Barbara,
My husband worries a lot about my moving plants around, drives him crazy. Why would one plant something a then move it a couple of years later?
We all know why!
Eileen
As I told Rose, when the Executive Producer complained about having to lift the mower over the curb several times to mow around garden beds, I came up with a solution I thought he & I both would find acceptable. I eliminated all but 2 grassy areas. I was surprised he didn't appreciate my considering his opinion. ;-)
Oh how true this is! My husband is allergic to grass, and I mow and do everything for the lawn, however he is still horrified when I suggest ripping part of it up!
I can speak for Hortense. She doesn't mind you taking a shot at answering this question. I do like to mow but don't understand this concept of "enough flowers". Really, it's ridiculous to even consider.
One of my nick names, besides dumb ... was grass man. I used to be a golf course superintendent which is all about turf. And yes men do love a nice green turf. Most of them anyway, for different reasons. When I lived in Colorado I had a neighbor who loved to compete with me who would have the greenest bluegrass. It was pretty much insane. (I won.lol). Well, in my more mature state of mind, it's not as important as it used to be. Now my wife likes to mow more than I and I'm converting most of my turf to perennials. Go figure.
Ongoing "discussions" here, too. However, I'm very happy that we each have our own spaces to oversee and maintain. His is away from home. Mine is here, at home. He does things his way there. I (generally) get to do things my way here. ;-) Never enough flowers. lol.
While I'm sure my partner would prefer a lawn with a few "meatball" shrubs...he let's me do pretty much whatever I want outisde...thank goodness! I understand that the "perfect lawn" is a status symbol for many...I just don't get it.
Another reason why I am happy to be single - can do what I like. But you do hear time and again that men are interested in the lawn only, the rest is just froth around the edges
Lisa - Hmmm....I wonder if that approach would appease my spouse? Probably not. He grew up in Schaumburg in a brand new subdivision where there was nothing but lawn.
Gardening Under the Influence - and you don't have to worry about them being the wrong size, or starting to hurt after a few hours.
Thanks, Frances! I'm doing one sneak expansion and installing a mowing strip, so this is it for the driveway beds.
Rose - I'm so glad I could help. I can see how your husband would need to mow. Good luck with the stealth expansion.
Lucy - I'm not lawn hater. I appreciate how the lawn in the back makes a restful counterpoint to the wild tumult of the beds surrounding it. I like that spilling over the edge look.
Thanks, Gail for your professional input. I was thinking more of conformity, but the impression of success is also import for the male ego.
Leslie - you're lucky to have such cooperation. I'd dearly love to have border on the other side of the brick walk. That will be the next point for discussion.
Layanee - our lawns are definitely "Freedom Lawns." There are rare occasions when my teen & tween children actually play on them.
Thanks, Victoria!
Eileen - I'm surprised your husband even notices. Mine doesn't.
Cindy - You'd think...
Indie - that is a deep-seated need.
Carol - I'm so glad Hortense doesn't mind.
Thanks for weighing in, Greggo. I'd just point out that now you are a gardening spouse. So it makes perfect sense to me.
Shady - that's a good way to deal with the issue. I wish we had more space for such a solution.
Scott - Maybe I should have said non-gardening significant other. Let's try to be indulgent & understanding. :^)
Patient Gardener - I will admit that it was easier to plan the garden when I was single, but at least now I've got the muscle to tackle things I couldn't do before. The least I can do is allow him a bit of lawn.
To love plants is a manageable addiction for me that adds beauty to my home and increases my property value. How can that be bad? My hubby has been a dear to indulge my addiction without complaint. I am sure I would suffer from withdrawal and depression should I be deprived of my gardening. :)
This series of three posts is absolutely hysterical mainly because they are so right. One of my most popular posts ever (5/2/11 if you want to read it) was called Letting Go: The Lawn and many women wrote or emailed about how they were going to use my arguments to try and convince their lawn-loving husbands. Your concept of achieving detente in the lawn wars is so perfect.
Oh, men just like to meddle, I think. Mr. Mouse has the same thing with too many shoes. I mean, can a woman have too many shoes?
(Come to think of it, the shoes may save me from any meddling with garden purchases...)
I'm glad I made it to this post. I got in on Rose's and some other bloggers' related posts. I enjoyed your take on it, too. Larry and I have had disagreements on the sizes of beds before, but as time has gone by, he has surprised me by his willingness to give more lawn up. Part of that has to do with the fact that the grass was not doing so well in certain areas.
If the New Lawn grasses can cope up with the stress, it will be healthy and dense and will be able to resist disease. Sometime the disease may spread and it becomes out of any control. However, the disease resistant cultivars can be implemented to avoid future problems.
Post a Comment