It's the dog days of summer, the garden and the gardener are tired, almost as good a time as winter to have some fun. As an antidote to all the seriousness in the world of gardening and blogging, I welcome you to the 1st (and possibly last), long awaited (by me at least, as I was going to do this in the winter, but I didn't want to interfere with the Mouse & Trowels), totally unanticipated (drumroll, please) Bizarro Garden Awards.
In the grand tradition of American ripoffs "Sanford & Son," "The Office" and "Life on Mars," comes the Bizarro Garden Awards, stolen inspired by Going to the Dogs' OMG Alternative Garden Awards. Bizarro refers to the exact opposite, as in "Bizarro Superman" and "Bizarro Jerry."
Like all of the above, the original British version is superior (all right, I might be being unfair to "Life On Mars" as I haven't seen the American version, but, come on, having an American cop compare something to "Starsky & Hutch" just doesn't have the weirdness factor of a Brit saying that). While Bizarro would require these to be for the worst of something, we're ignoring the strict letter of the law, so to speak, to allow for best ofs as well.
To borrow and paraphrase another Seinfeldism, they're the awards for the rest of us. Nothing official here, no sponsors, no prizes, you can make up your own nomination categories, nominate as many as you like. As I'm from Chicago, vote early, vote often; you can even vote for yourself. These awards are about fun; any mean-spiritedness will result in your immediate ejection and you will not receive the commemorative nose hair clippers and statue of Victor Mature.
Here are a few categories to kick things off:
- Plant You Love to Hate
- Favorite Plant You Can't Grow
- Worst Plant Name
- Worst Weed
- Worst Bug
- Worst Neighbor
- Gardener Most Likely to Get a Nasty Comment From PETA
- Guess Who's Coming to Dinner: gardener you'd most like to come to your house and cook for you
- Anyone Can Host: gardener whose house you'd most like to visit for dinner
- Gardener you'd most like to party with
- Garden you'd most like to party in
- Best Gardener Who Doesn't Own a Computer
- Favorite Dog
- Favorite Cat
- Favorite Chicken
- Cutest Kids
- Mad Hatter - gardener who looks the best in a hat
- Best Garden Hat
- Best Garden Shirt
- Hoe d'culture - favorite garden tool
- Extreme Hoarders: gardener with the best tool collection
- Oldest garden gloves
- Funkiest Garden Art
- Best Cartoons or Drawings
What do you think? I'll post my answers shortly.
27 comments:
Hahaha, this sounds like fun!
This is my nominee for worst garden neighbor.
Hey, would "Extreme Hoarders: Best Garden Tool Collection" in any way relate to my confession that I have watched that show before and I have the World's Largest Hoe Collection? I will need to post some nominees on my blog!
Sounds like fun! This will take me awhile... be patient. :-)
I will think on this and already have a few ideas~gail
Oh goodie! This sounds like great fun.
I will start my voting by voting for myself in the category of Worst Bug. Please refresh your memory with my post on the Lily Beetle (http://newfie-girl.blogspot.com/2010/06/crappy-side-of-gardening.html). I mean, what could be worse than covering yourself with poo so you can eat the plant you love.
I'm sure I'll be back with more votes!
Hi MMD, simply fabulous, my dear! I had that issue of Superman with the first introduction of Bizzaro! It would be worth a fortune today! Okay, onward to thinking about the awards. I do believe Carol already has the hoe collection one sewed up and tied in a bow. :-)
Frances
still thinking...
Okay, we can all agree that Carol is the extreme tool hoarder.
Hmm... this is hard. Off the top of my head, I vote for Mr. Subjunctive for best footnotes. If you don't know him, this post http://plantsarethestrangestpeople.blogspot.com/2010/06/carmen-miranda-ananas-comosus-part-i.html
is a stunning example of his footnoting brilliance.
I also nominate myself for "Youngest blogger attending Buffa10." I'm not sure if it is true, but I kinda thinks so. If someone else was younger, I change my nomination to be "Youngest male blogger attending buffa10" which I am fairly certain was true.
I forgot to add that I always LOVED Victor Mature! That physique!
I nominate my friend Bub Morse for Best Gardener Without a Computer. Ok, technically she has a computer, but it runs Windows 95, and she doesn't have email or any internet connection at all.
Sounds like fun MMD. You are so creative.~~Dee
Great fun!
Hilarious...I'll have to do some thinking...
If you want bizzaro: http://www.theyardartgame.com/
Luv it! Lungwort (Pulmonaria) is right up there for a horrid name ... love the plant but the name is one of the worst :)
Also, Mad Hatter award and best hat—
Ahem.
The name says it all. The avatar makes it painfully clear.
Oh boy, what fun.
Off the top of my head, I'd nominate you for Mad Hatter, for your stunning array of floppy hats at the last two blogger flings.
I'd nominate a former next door neighbor of mine, whom I caught stealing my purchased fluffy soil and handing it over the fence in buckets to his wife, for worst neighbor (and he was a gardener, can you believe it?).
And I'd nominate all the garden bloggers I've met so far for gardeners I'd like to party with. :-)
I think Susan with the Pink Hat has the correct worst garden link. I can't imagine anyone doing that to their garden. Can you imagine the inside of that house?? The nominations will be some interesting reading. Some neighbor stole your soil?? Unbelieveable.
Sounds like great fun, MMD! Do you already have nominees in mind or are you soliciting nominations? I agree that Carol has the "Extreme Hoarders" award all locked up. She probably also wins the award for the most garden shirts:) I'll have to think about the others. Looking forward to seeing the Bizarro Award ceremony!
No category for best flamingo costumes? Drat! (P.S. I'm a huge Britcom fan, but I vastly, by order of magnitude, prefer the American version of the Office--truly bizarre!)
Susan in Pink Hat - While that yard gives new meaning to the word "tacky," I'm thinking Jean's former neighbor has that beat. Nice hat!
Carol - I draw inspiration from many sources ;^)
Sandy - Lily beetles stink. I'm going to go with one of my current tormentors.
Greensparrow - I am familiar with Mr. Subjunctive (who totally skewed the houseplant census results). I'll vote for you in either category.
Kathy - I guess I should have worded that as "not online." Bub definitely qualifies.
Craig - thanks, I love that!
Joey - lungwort does sound more like a disease.
Lisa - I'm picturing lots of commemorative plates on the walls and a complete collection of Hummels.
Monica - How could I have forgotten flamingos? Yes, there is a category now. (I prefer the Brit version of The Office because I love Ricky Gervais. Steve Carrell is good, but Ricky is brilliant. In anything.)
Jean - aww, thanks! Your former neighbor ranks right up there.
I'm thinking I don't read garden blogs often enough (I know - BAD!!) to feel like I can nominate or vote for the Bizarro awards. I do, however, watch enough TV (I know - BAD!!) to know that U.K. Life on Mars was far, far superior to U.S. Life on Mars.
Just so you know.
Oh good, still open? I wish to nominate Houttuynia cordata as the plant that should not have been planted here. Although the Vinca major might beat it out. Yes, the Vinca has to be the worst all time plant I actually planted in the garden. Both of these thugs were from my sweet neighbors however.
Gardener to come cook for me? Joey of Village Voice.
worst weed: crabgrass
worst bug: fire ants
favorite tool: bulldog spade
best hat wearer: you!
party with: all the garden bloggers!
Worst ever plant in the world~Vinca major and minor
Worst bug~Flea beetles
favorite plant I cannot grow~anything that needs constant moisture with well drained soil!
More later,
Gail
I nominate Kathy at CCG's worst bug: Brown Marmorated Stink Bug. http://www.coldclimategardening.com/brown-marmorated-stink-bug-compiled-wisdom/
Worst plant ever: Japanese honeysuckle. It's terrible.
Favorite plant: roses of course or maybe the Susans, or perhaps anything which grows in OK.
Weirdest neighbors: mine. I live in Deliverance. They slaughter and field dress deer in their yards. People in prison drop off their offspring as if they were strays. Once I had a neighbor end up rolling their car and then they blamed our cat. Long story. Another neighbor wrecked his motorcycle and Bill helped him. Later, the same neighbor wanted to poison the lake.
Weirdest garden tool, the tomato tumbler.
Brilliant idea MMD - what fun :)
Sadly I'm having a bit of a vacation from the internet at the moment and my brain's turned to mush for the summer anyway for me to join in properly.
Am applauding your idea and your contributors wildly instead!
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